'AITA for refusing to cook separate meals for my vegan niece? My parents took her side.' (2024)

Kate needed separate dishes altogether and we needed vegan substitutes for her. Since those are way more expensive, I told my sister she should give money to Kate so she can buy it. She stared telling me how family doesn't take money from family to feed kids. I told her I would feed Kate same as other kids, but I won't spent excess money on her. She said that's fine.

Since her mom won't buy it, Kate started buying plant based substitutes with her pocket money. For dishes like pancakes, I made food for her using her ingredients. But every time I made a huge non vegan meal, she expected me to provide equivalent vegan meals. I drew line at that.

I can't spend so much time cooking another meal. She said everyone else got to eat it while she was left with few stuff go eat. I told her she is free to cook for herself and she hated that idea.

It came to a boiling point last weekend when we had a barbeque dinner with friends. She got upset that her salad was very basic, (it was good only with chicken added) and she had nothing else to eat.

She complained and I told her she can cook for herself. She got even more upset at that and called her mom crying about how I didn't make any good meals for her and expected her to fend for herself. My sister called me yelling at me how I didn't love her daughter and was intentionally excluding her. My parents are also taking their side. AITA?

See Also

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Here's what people had to say to OP:

Character_Bowl_4930 says:

If they were having a cookout , she could have chopped up veggies with oil , seasonings and put them in the grill or as them to with everything else . She meaning the niece . She’s not a little kid . 19 is old enough learn how to make some dishes .

AmoldineShepard says:

I hate militant vegans. For health reasons I can’t become vegetarian or vegan, but they still get up in arms about it. (I’ve got food allergies to some of the vegan/vegetarian staples).

obxgaga says:

Not having to make vegan meals, not having to pay for electricity, water, etc., for her to use. Sounds like niece should live in a dorm and maybe learn to take care of herself.

Q&A with OP:

Icedcoffeeafternoons says:

Is it about the money or that you don’t want to cook extra stuff for her? Help her learn to cook and how to combine items she can eat.

Justanaunt2 OP responded:

Its about I know dishes I like and don't want to learn others. It is about money, time and energy. I was never a fan of vegetables and don't know how to make different dishes. Nobody in my family likes vegetables either.

Vegan dishes are mostly veg. I don't know how to cook it either. If niece wants to eat them, she would have to learn and make them herself. I don't want to make separate meals for just one person.

RoxyRoseToday says:

NTA for not cooking her individual meal, but YTA for not having more options for her at the barbeque. Cole slaw with vinaigrette? Baked asparagus? Veggie oil fried sweet potato fries? Fruit salad? Garlic and herb baked eggplant? Steamed broccoli and cauliflower with lemon spritz?

Basil/tomato/avocado salad with olive oil and black pepper? Stuffed mushroom or green pepper? I really feel like people get really hung up on the "vegan" aspect of it, look up fru fru recipes and say "I am not doing that!" when there are recipes we eat all the time that are inherently vegan.

Justanaunt2 OP responded:

My family including me doesn't like to eat vegetables. We are meat lovers. I personally pick lettuce out of burgers even. Veg salads are not our meal. And I am not interested in vegan dishes. Whoever want it can cook it. Won't be me. If anyone wants anything I don't make to eat, cook it yourself.

jasperjamboree says:

Did she turn vegan before or after moving in with you? If she was vegan before, did her mother cook her meals? Did she pay for vegan substitutes for her own daughter? I’m just trying to figure out why a 19 year old adult still feels entitled and expects people to cook lavish meals for her with their own time and money. NTA

Justanaunt2 OP responded:

She was vegan before she moved in, though my sister didn't tell me that. Her mother bought and cooked vegan dishes for her.